


Lost and Found

by fors_manus



Series: Dragon Age One-Shots [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, and fen is doing the best he can, because emotions are tough cookies to deal with, detective garrett hawke is on the case, fenris tries to solve a situation by accidentally making it worse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 04:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14180589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fors_manus/pseuds/fors_manus
Summary: Fenris has been avoiding Hawke, not just that but the red fabric which is usually on the elf's wrist is gone. And Garrett can't help but think that either something is wrong, or he's the problem.Either way he's finding out one way or another.





	Lost and Found

(Poem from: [constant-nxthing](http://constant-nxthing.tumblr.com/post/102251066803/you-cant-love-someone-unless-you-love-yourself))

_“You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first.”_

_Bullshit._

_I have never loved myself._

_But you._

_Oh God._

_I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like._

 

He wasn’t wearing it anymore.

Hawke didn’t know how long it took for him to figure this out. But by the time Fenris’ hand had latched onto his to help him get off the ground, he had already noticed the absence of the red fabric which had been wrapped around the others’ wrist. 

Garrett’s breath had hitched, staring at the bare gauntlet as confusion and disbelief clouded his mind. The noises of his friends behind him looting the bodies from the battle which they just fought faded out as Hawke’s dusty amber eyes met wide green ones.

The Champion watched as the elf’s expression shifted from shock to pain, his brows crinkling as he wretched his hand from Garrett’s with gritted teeth. “Fenris-” he choked out, pulling back as said man stood up sharply and backed away, subtly rubbed his right wrist. “We should move on,” the warrior said firmly, his head bowed as he marched past the taller man’s frozen form.

Hawke didn’t reply as he slowly followed the group from behind, his eyes following the back of the white-haired elf in silence.

\- - -

Did he do something wrong? No, he couldn’t have. Fenris seemed fine with him the other night during their reading session. In fact, the elf even allowed them to hold hands once Garrett helped Fenris read one of the words he was struggling with. Well, it was more like two interlocked fingers but still, the elf had blushed! Smiled even! Shouldn’t that come across as saying that they were _more_ than okay now?

Even after that night together years ago he had been so careful, so patient… so what did he do which could make Fenris so upset that he’d remove the favour he’d worn for so many years? Had Hawke pressured him too much?

Had Fenris… moved on?

Hawke groaned, holding the cool glass filled with the sorry excuse for alcohol against his forehead in a weak attempt to calm his growing headache. Maybe choosing The Hanged Man as a place to mope wasn’t the best decision. One of many decisions now, it seems.

“Well, someone certainly looks like shit,” Garrett blinked, looking back to see a familiar dwarf settling himself into a stool across from him. Despite his mood, the mage laughed humourlessly at his friend, swirling the suspicious looking liquid around in the glass before firmly planting it back on the sticky wooden table. “You could say that,” he murmured, brushing back his dark hair as Varric hummed.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you? Or am I going to have to spin up a story until I get it right?” the rogue leaned back with crossed arms, making Garrett groan in dismay. “I’ve messed up Varric. I don’t know how, but I messed up…” the Champion breathed, looking away to face the fireplace which was burning harshly.

“You’re the ‘Champion of Kirkwall’ Hawke, just how messed up are we talking here?” Varric chuckled, confusion laced in his voice. “He isn’t wearing it,” Hawke stated, only looking back at the shorter man once the silence between them hanged longer than he expected.

He frowned, taking notice of the guilty expression the dwarf wore. “I was… hoping it was my imagination,” the dwarf started, fingers tapping against his arm repeatedly before halting, “and I hate to say it Hawke, really I do. But how many years has it been now?”

Hawke groaned, clenching his eyes shut as Varric sighed in defeat. “I know, you don’t want to hear it. But I told you Hawke, he’s got _spikes_. Literally. Maybe it’s time to… you know, move on?” the rogue continued, his brow furrowing. Garrett shook his head, “I can’t, I just… even when I think about him, Varric. Maker, I just want to-“

“Hold him in your arms? Smooch him all over? Tell him everything’s going to be okay repeatedly until he punches you in the face to shut you the hell up? Need I go on?” the dwarf answered for him, making the mage wistfully sigh and bang his head against the table in defeat. Varric laughed loudly, gaining odd gazes from people on different tables.

“That bad, huh?” he asked teasingly.

Garrett grinned sadly, turning his head to stare down his glass of murky alcohol, “Worse.”

 

\- - -

It had been weeks now. About three to be exact, and as time passed Garrett continued to worry more with each passing day over his distant love interest. He felt stuck, as if he had suddenly been thrust back in time to where he had only just met the elf years ago. A time where their companionship was unstable due to the magical infused blood which Garrett carried and the choices he made.

And it hurt, by the Maker, it _hurt_ to play like this again.

Continuously, Garrett had stalked up to Fenris’ mansion with the objective to see him, whether it be for him to join him on tasks around the city of Kirkwall or for a simple amount of alone time to speak. It hadn’t been easy at first, and many times he would decline the company and the ability of proper conversation until it came to the point where he wouldn’t come to the door at all.

So when Aveline came up to him one evening to inform that she had sent a night patrol to watch over Fenris’ mansion the night before only to see him come out during the late hours, Garrett knew what he had to do.

The night was still young, and by the time Bodahn , Sandal and Orana had retired to their chambers, the mage had immediately set out to walk a path he’d travelled more than most.

Shadows cast over most of the tiles of stairs which the elder Hawke walked upon, the silence in the air was almost deafening unless a drunken laugh would fill the empty hallways. Striding on, the destination which he was traveling to suddenly stood in front of him. The tall grey walls covered in dirt and plants giving off a menacing tone, making the Champion shiver.

Taking in a deep breath, Garrett walked up to the door and hammered on the wood, tapping his foot in thought as he waited for a response before rapping his signature knock once more. Sighting in defeat, Hawke turned around and walking to the end of a nearby bench to sit down.

And then he waited.

Waiting usually wasn’t something Hawke specialized in. Many times, he would try to be patient, and most times he would fail. Despite being the eldest, Bethany always seemed to have the ways for patience whilst Carver and Hawke would pick up the slack. And though it drove Mother insane sometimes, Hawke knew it was enduring.

But with Fenris, it was different.

And for some reason, the thought that Hawke was willing to wait an eternity for the elf to return did not seem to bother him.

To know how many hours had passed above Hawke’s head was beyond the male as he continued to tap his foot to an unknown melody and pinched himself awake every other minute. Taking notice on how often his eyes drooped, the warrior glanced around for something to keep him awake; deciding that counting games might as well do the trick at such an hour.

How many grey tiles going horizontally in front of him?

Sixteen.

How many stars could he see through the large smoke clouds which the city was creating?

Somewhere around 9.

How many steps does one have to take to arrive at the top of the staircase?

The answer flew past Hawke as he caught the site of the pale haired elf arriving to the top floor, admiring only for a moment how the moon’s rays highlighted his skin and brought out the locks of his hair.

“Fenris,” Hawke suddenly spoke out, alerting the other male of his presence as Garrett rose to his feet. Standing like an unarmed Grey Warden in the middle of the Deep Roads, the Tevinter elf stared at him with large eyes and a gaping mouth as the human strode up to him.

“Hawke,” the warrior shakily greeted him, tilting the right side of his body away from the other’s sight. ‘ _And hiding his right arm_ ,’ Hawke thought grimly.

“You weren’t at your mansion earlier today, I thought I’d check up on you now to see if you were alright,” Hawke decided to reply, forcing a soft smile to come upon his face. He knew that Fenris wasn’t one to easily open a discussion with, let alone one which would lead towards and explanation for his odd behaviour.

Even though he had allowed the mage to understand some parts from his past life, it was only through gentle coaxing and patience that Fenris had shown him this trust at all. Any wrong word or sentence which could come from Garrett’s lips could lead to those firm walls coming up again, and he couldn’t afford to have that.

Not now. Not after that night.

Fenris shifted on his feet, “Yes, I was… away. There was a task I was in need of completing, it is done now,” he responded, avoiding Hawke’s eyes. “A task?” the mage repeated, a stir of uneasiness growing in his stomach, “Was it much trouble? I could have aided you if you wished.”

“The task was simple, I am sure even you could fulfil it alone if it was yours to accomplish,” Fenris grin faded, glancing up irritably with a furrowed brow, “I am not a child, Hawke; you know that I am able watch for myself.” Garrett chuckled awkwardly, “No, of course you can, I was just…” he trailed off, “concerned. You have been distant with me lately Fenris, I was worried that I had done something to upset you?”

“I remain at your side Garrett,” the elf whispered, eyes softening before stepping away. The mage blinked, the realization that his crush had used his puppy eyes trick to dance himself away from his question only coming to him seconds later. “It is late Hawke,” the Tevinter male states by a glance to the sky, his legs beginning to lead him backwards towards his mansion, “I think it would be wise for you to return home whilst the path is still safe.”

“Wait- Fenris, hold on. Just talk to me for a second, please. I need to tell you something,” Hawke rushed out, darting forward as worry flooded through his heart. The elf paused in his steps, edges away from his front door as he glanced over his shoulder. “Good night Hawke,” he finally said, continuing onward and turning the handle.

No. No no _no_. Not again. He’s doing it again. He’s running away, why does he always run away? He can’t do this, not now. Why does he always do this? Why won’t he just…? Why can’t he just-

“Why can’t you just listen to me?” Hawke finally shouted at his retreating back, grasping forward to forcefully turn the other by the arm only to stand rigid at the sight. There, on his wrist, was a single, overlapped red piece of fabric.

“Y-You’re wearing it… why are you…?” Garrett stuttered, blinking once again to see if his eyes were deceiving him. They weren’t. The man visibly flinched as the limb was ripped from his grasp, taking a cautious step back to allow the elf room against the door.

The eldest Hawke watched as Fenris’ eyes remained trained to the floor, flickering slightly as he held the hand which he had caught seconds ago. “Fenris-” Garrett began with a furrowed brow.

“I lost it,” he interrupted. “I know I could have told you, but I couldn’t. The way you looked at me when I didn’t have it on… I thought that if I found it first, I could explain everything. But I wasn’t ready to tell you yet… I’m sorry. The only solution I have created caused you more pain now than I ever would have wanted.”

Hawke stared, a lump filling up his throat, “So you lost it? All this time… and you just didn’t know where it was?” he hushed out. The Champion of Kirkwall’s eyesight blurred, a breathy laugh falling from his lips as he stared at the elf he loved with a crooked smile.

“I could never be angry with you Fenris,” Garrett breathed through a sob, reaching forward to grasp at the tattooed elf’s hand to stare at the fabric lovingly. “You could have just told me, love. I would have understood, hell I would have searched all of Thedas for it alongside you if you asked,” the mage sniffled, wiping his eyes with a weak chuckle. Fenris stared up at him; wonder in his eyes before looking away in sadness, “Then I am a fool to have doubted you.”

“I know... that these years have not been easy for you, Garrett. I cannot imagine the pain I must have brought to you simply to gain my trust. And yet you have not faltered, and still I ask myself whether I deserve as loyal a man such as you,” the elf gazed up at him, smiling softly as a hand cupped his cheek which he nuzzled gently.

“For what it’s worth Fenris, I’ve cherished every second of it,” Hawke whispered back, leaning down to capture the others lips in a sweet kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh my first romance and to this day still a fave
> 
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated!  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
